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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Oscar Wilde
We are The Wink, a private members club for colorful queers. Every so often, we gather to celebrate our lives, our identities, and our sensuality. We exist to provide an immersive and imaginative setting for like-minded individuals to connect, play, and live in the moment.
Feeling comfortable in your skin is sexy.
Being honest with your desires is sexy.
Sharing experiences with others is sexy.
Understanding your boundaries is sexy.
Come as you are, who you are
The Wink creates a safe and comfortable environment for sex positive queers to freely express themselves. We carefully curate our community to ensure a balanced group of diverse, enlightened and fun-loving individuals. Our members engage in all walks of life and come from a wide array of backgrounds. Queer people of all preferences and persuasions are represented at our events. Questioning, curious, confidential, and confirmed — all stages of self discovery and all forms of expression are welcome. The Wink is a community of compassionate, respectful, generous people; toxic behavior is foreign at our gatherings. Our parties are only as fun as our members are, so every application is vetted thoroughly by our team. We emphasize diversity because pleasure is universal, and because we like our flavors swirled. All members have been handpicked for their liveliness, charisma, and sexiness.
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Play in the garden, eat from the vine
Our parties are truly spirited affairs. A cozy and comfortably appointed atmosphere sets the scene for a colorful experience. Grab a drink at our full-service BYOB bar and venture into a welcoming crowd of beautiful strangers. The ambiance is lush, the music is upbeat, and the energy is high. Our guests come dressed to impress and everyone looks amazing. Connect with old friends, make new ones, and flirt with someone sexy. When everyone has settled in and the time is right, we make a toast. A resounding and vibrant ode to our lives, we revel in our individuality together. After we toast, dessert is served. Literally: we’ve brought something sweet and there’s enough for everyone to share. What happens next is an exploration of our desires, ourselves, and each other. A variety of comfortable areas are available, designed with different preferences in mind.
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Free your inhibitions, keep your judgement
The Wink takes safety seriously, and we require that our members treat each other with respect. Affirmative, enthusiastic consent is mandatory for all play. Aggressive, coercive or unwanted advances are not acceptable. Reported incidents will be addressed and transgressions will result in removal of membership. The Wink is a private members club, and we intend to keep it that way. Phones are not allowed or necessary inside our parties, there’s plenty to hold your attention here. We respect the sanctity of our members identities, and ask our members to do the same. Location/date/time of our parties must remain confidential, as well as any distinguishing information you might learn during an event. If you see another member riding the subway or walking down the street, just give them a little wink ;)
Read our consent policy
Q&A
How do I become a member of The Wink?

Open our application, fill out our questionnaire, send it off and wait. We don’t need an essay or a manifesto, but we ask that applicants put some thought into their answers, and we do not consider low effort submissions. Applications should be submitted individually even if you plan on attending with a partner, we need to have a good impression of every person we offer membership to. We review applications on a rolling basis, so expect to hear back sometime in the next week.

Why do I need to apply for membership?

The Wink is first and foremost a diverse, balanced and safe community for members to revel in their individuality, together. In order to maintain that dynamic, we need to ensure that every member meets our qualifications, brings something unique to the table, and can follow our code of conduct. Our application helps us get to know you, and identify how you will add to our community. Your answers will be kept completely confidential.

Do I have to include a photo with my application?

Yes, we want to see you! Also, to maintain the sanctity of our events, we visually ID all attendees at the door from these photos. On behalf of both reasons, please include images that clearly represent yourself.

What types of people are members of The Wink?

The Wink is made up of queer New Yorkers who like to have fun. We are well-rounded artists, organizers, craftspeople, performers, creatives, bohemians, and professionals who engage in a wide variety of pursuits. Our members are sex positive, open-minded and bold. We have a mixture of experience levels. Seasoned partygoers come back to catch up with friends and seek new experiences. Newcomers are welcomed into a group of like-minded individuals also looking to meet people and have a good time. We champion true self expression and encourage growth through exploration.

How old are members of The Wink?

Members of The Wink are generally between the ages of 25 and 35. Due to the nature of our events, we do not accept persons under 21 for membership.

What are the relationship status of members?

Members of The Wink are in a variety of relationships. Some are comfortably single, casually dating, or exclusively dating themselves. Others have primaries, hold down committed relationships, or are married. Couples who attend range from monogamous, to open, to poly. No relationship status carries any stigma at The Wink, however activity that requires dishonesty or deceit in an existing relationship is strongly frowned upon.

How many people attend an event at The Wink?

We like to keep our parties intimate, and a maximum number of tickets are sold for each party. While the number varies per evening, our parties generally range from 30 to 50 sexy individuals.

How should I dress when I attend a party?

Wear something provocative, wear something unexpected, wear something new. Wear something that makes you feel powerful, wear something that makes you feel different, wear something that expresses your inner-you. Wear anything confidently.

But make an effort, our gatherings are social events. We will turn away streetwear, basics, racist or offensive clothing and anyone not making a sufficient effort.

Am I queer enough for The Wink?

In one word: yes. We at The Wink purposefully use the word queer to describe our ourselves and our members. It’s an umbrella term conveying not only a sexual orientation or gender expression, but also a political identity. It is a perspective formed from otherness, but characterized by acceptance, through which one embraces all the unique, unconventional ways that individuals express themselves. Being queer is not a predefined set of customs, a resumé of activities, or a style of dress. Who you date, who you’re friends with, or even who you’ve come out to has no bearing on how you identify. If you have a desire to critique the cis-heteronormative status quo, promote self affirmation, and foster a more inclusive world, then queerness is what we have in common.

Is this a QTPOC party?

The Wink is produced by QTPOC organizers and we are deeply committed to creating a diverse and inclusive community. We’ve gone to parties in the past where we felt underrepresented, both as people of color and as openly queer individuals, and it affected our ability to have a good time. This made us want to create our own space where our guests can stand out by being one of the crowd. So while our community is not exclusively any one thing, we use our vetting process to ensure a balanced party where no one feels like a minority.

Can I bring a friend?

Members of The Wink may invite guests to accompany them to our event. By bringing a non-member, you are vouching for them. You are responsible for their behavior that evening and vice-versa. There is no expectation that you and your guests are romantically or sexually linked, as long as you feel comfortable with them, and the pact that you are entering together. You two will be required to include each other names when you purchase your tickets, and must enter and leave the event at the same time.

Do I have to play if I attend? Can I just watch?

Nothing is mandatory when attending a party at The Wink. Follow your gut, and respect your boundaries at all times. Hanging out, meeting fellow members, having a drink and dancing the night away is a perfect way to spend an evening with us. Watching is totally cool, our members tend to get off on the voyeuristic aspect. Just make sure that that your passive participation doesn’t affect the action, creepy hovering is very unsexy.

Whats the deal with alcohol?

Our parties feature a fully stocked BYOB bar. You bring your spirit of choice, we’ll bring the mixers, garnishes, glasses and a few helpful hands to mix them all together for you. We label every bottle, so you can take your poison home with you at the end of the night.

We want our guests to have a great time at our parties. We also want our our guests to stay emotionally and physically safe, and be able to make good choices. Do not come, or become unreasonably intoxicated on drugs or alcohol. Belligerent, aggressive, or infantile behavior will result in removal from the party, and possible revoking of membership.

Is fetish play allowed at your parties?

You do you, with whoever consents to do it with you. The Wink is not distinctly a fetish oriented party, but all forms of play are welcome here as long as they are respectful of the other participants, as well as the play space itself.

Are condoms, lube, or toys provided?

Condoms and water based lube are available in abundance throughout the play space. For health and safety concerns, we recommend bringing your own toys.

How do you ensure member safety?

We ask that all participants be physically healthy, forthcoming with their STD status and use condoms/dams as desired. Aggressive behavior, toxic masculinity, and physical violence are not tolerated. Before attending a party, you should establish your intentions and boundaries for the evening, both with yourself and with your date. Please make sure that you are in a solid headspace, do not drag baggage or bad energy into our parties.

How do you ensure member privacy?

Privacy is an important concern for us. Cameras, phones and other recording devices are strictly prohibited during our events, and we do not disclose the personal information of any of our members.

What does it all cost?

It is completely free to be member of The Wink! You will receive updates on and invites to our future get togethers. Our parties are paid events and range between $30-$80 a ticket, depending on the size and spectacle. Tickets are the same for all members, no matter who you are or what you identify as. We don’t endorse gendered or any other targeted pricing schemes.

Join the club

Copy and paste our questionnaire into a new email. Fill it out and when you’re ready, send it to us at info@thewink.nyc with the subject line Green Carnation.

⚀ What is your first name? What year were you born in?

⚁ Give us your story, tell us about what makes you you? Describe your personality, your work/hobbies/goals/dreams.

⚂ Tell us how you identify. What role does queerness play in your life?

⚃ What is your relationship status? Tell us about your relationship to romance.

⚄ Tell us your philosophy on sex? What role does it play in your life?

⚅ How did you hear about The Wink? Have you ever been to a sex party before? If you are a guest of a member or have been referred by a member, please include their name and email. This will likely speed up your application.

☺ Please include 2 g-rated photos. Profile pic quality please, we need to see what you look like.